Dear Baby:

Please do not poke my cervix unless you mean it...did you get issued a walking stick when you were conceived? It hurts. Thank you for turning upside down last week, though. I like that you are in the 'ready' position.

Dear Large Intestine:

I love that I'm pooping a lot right now because it means that I'm getting closer, but can I have less gas please? I yelled at my husband the other night, but it was actually me and I forgot I let one fly!

Dear Hips:

Please stop hurting NOW. I'm really sick of it and it's not funny anymore.

Dear Wedding rings:

I have neglected you, but once I stop having sausage fingers, I will put you back on!

Dear Stretch Marks:

I don't like you, I will never like you. Period.

Dear Braxton-Hicks:

I don't like you either. I don't need practice contractions, thank you very much!

Dear Feet:

I have neglected you, and once I can reach you again, I will make you feel better.

Sincerely,
Me